Relationships

"First and foremost, there *is* a rule to live by and if you follow it you will never have relationship problems.

'There are only two thing's you need to find out in life: 1) where you're going, and 2) who you're going with. Never, ever get them out of order.'

"Unfortunately, most of us don't have the strength to live by that ideal. In which case, the most important thing we have to remember is that we cannot blame each other for the way we feel. Nor can we accept responsibilty for it. Feelings are not something that we have control over and (contrary to public opinion!) 99% of the population, given a better alternative, would choose NOT hurting each other.

"So, for example, if I love you, but you don't love me I can't blame you for not loving me. You can't force yourself to start loving me anymore than I can force myself to stop loving you. And by the same token, It's not my fault that you don't love me. I do, however, have every right to be hurt and feel pain. I don't have the right to hate you for the way you feel.

"Keeping that in mind, remember, that if you don't follow the rule above... people change. Circumstances change. And heavens forbid, so does love. But because it changes or is lacking now, doesn't invalidate everything that came before. Every moment you feel love is valuable, and despite how it may feel, in a profound and resonant way, the affirmation of love can not be diminished by its end.

"And one last note about relationships and lonliness. Searching for a relationship is about searching for someone to share with. It is not to fill a gap in your being. Too many people look to others to make them happy, to provide them with confidence and self-image. Such a relationship will never last.

"If you want to enter a lasting relationship, you must be satisfied with yourself first. You must be able to stand at the abyss of the future and see yourself completely alone for the rest of your life and still be able to say, 'Yes, life is still worth living!' before you are ready to be a partner."